The First Day of Feeling Down

It had to come sometime.

I don't know if it's the alcohol I have consumed this evening or that several things have built up around me, but this evening I felt pretty sad. Like I used to back in the UK. It is a strange feeling. Dark and unhealthy, yet at the same time it's like an old friend you haven't seen in a while. I hope it doesn't decide to crash for a few days.

I suppose it's also been gathering steam. I mean, my isolation from anyone British, my unique position as being the eldest at my branch and the only single person there.

I don't know why this bothers me so. I mean I have ALWAYS felt alone, even when I was with Claire and Corriene, I never felt fully appreciated, fully loved. I have, despite my commitment to these people, always kept a part of my soul secret and sacred. Why does this feeling of isolation bother me so ?

Sometimes I guess I am happy in my misery. But you know what, I am not going to ever let it consume me, I am in a cool country with great people and a good job.

I could be in a much worse position....