Feelin' Blue on the Longest Day.

I don't know why, but I feel really down. It started on Sunday and has eaten at me for the last few days. Perhaps it's to do with turning 29. I don't feel 29. I don't feel bad that the big 30 is 12 months away and approaching like a dervish. Age has never really bothered me. I guess it's pretty irrelevant, just the counting of days. Lines drawn to distinguish the increasing burden of responsibility and then back to insignificance and death. No, it definately ain't age.

As a friend of mine told me recently, there ain't nothing wrong with feeling down. I guess they're right. It doesn't mean I have to like it. It makes my head, heart and soul hurt. I eventually know, that'll I'll dig myself out of it, and get on with life because that's what I do.

My brother said before I left that'd there would be days like this. It's not that I didn't believe him, I just didn't expect them to carry the same sadness and loneliness that they did in the UK. Sometimes it feels worse. Free of restraints and shackles that I placed upon myself in the UK, I have rediscovered my independance. Something I haven't tasted since my University days. But now it is slightly bittersweet. I first tasted this on my Kyoto trip, where I had the freedom to to anything. To go anywhere. But, as I have been for most of my life, I was alone. It's a strange feeling to have everything and nothing at the same time.

But inner strength is born in the face of adversity, and as I struggle through on this never ending day, I know that somewhere that first ray of sunshine is waiting for me.

I have always dealt with such things with patience. To wait things out and see what happens. Not to rock the boat. Never crossing the line and taking a risk. Is this something I need to do now ? To take my life and drag it where I need it to go ?

Peace out.