A Lone

It's Friday night. I've tommorrow off thanks to a shift swap with Suzette to allow her to travel back to the States last month. And even though it's late in the day, I don't know whether this a good or bad thing.

Work consumes my day. Surrounds me with distractions. The worries and frailties of my students. Perhaps it makes me aware of my own power. I don't know. But a day off, leaves me alone with nothing but the unflinching honesty on the face of a ticking clock and my own thoughts.

I feel that this blog needs an honest post.

The recent stuff may have been worthy, informative and bubblegum fun, none of it has truly tapped my mental state of the last 4 or so weeks. Perhaps that is why I avoided the blog for so long. Afraid to bare my soul for those people who dare read this expose into my Fish out of water lifestyle. Afraid to let people worry about me. Thinking that they have more important things to worry about.

Well, it is probably the two (small sized) beers I've consumed this evening (that or the cheese!), that I feel that some sort of confession is in order.

I feel isolated. Despite my friendship with Evan, Ken and Derrick. I feel as empty as I did back in Weston. And it all stems to my psychological impotence in function without that missing piece of the jigsaw; a woman who I can share with.

It doesn't help that I get pressure from my Mother (God Bless her, I know she worries). Being the only child to be in relationship limbo only adds to the emotional pressure. Plus my 30th Birthday looms like 2001's monolith over my existance at present. I am the male Bridget Jones.

I walk this path alone. I always have. I don't invite pity. I don't welcome sadness. It is who I am.

Perhaps that is why I chose to isolate myself from my own culture.

Keep on rockin' in the Free World (your own heads) whilst you can.

Justin x